THINGS I LIKE
I wouldn't call these "creature comforts" (in fact, I'd put that phrase on my list of dislikes), but here's a bunch of things I consider the little pleasures in life.
Peanut butter.
Showers.
“Jerry Maguire.”
Perfect stubble (for me: three days).
The first time you look in a mirror after you’ve forgotten about your haircut.
Typing fast when you’re “in the zone.”
Dreams that you vividly remember.
Watching kids continually fail to land tricks on skateboards.
Witnessing a kid successfully land a trick on a skateboard.
Inadvertent tanning.
House parties.
Smooth, very precise pens.
Clean handwriting.
Nectarines, but not peaches.
“Paperboy” for NES.
Snowboarding.
Accuracy.
Reading subway maps when I don’t urgently need to be anywhere.
Sharpies.
Dopey, clumsy puppies.
Tilt photography.
Jokes overexplained for comic effect. Because it’s funny when everybody’s already on the same page, and nothing is even remotely misunderstood, yet you still break down the humor involved as if it’s quite sophisticated. Which it isn’t.
Restaurants that serve free peanuts and encourage you to throw shells on the floor.
Shredded cheese that’s been melted.
Commas.
Extremely well-executed niche Halloween costumes.
Eating the best pieces of Halloween candy after a kid goes to sleep.
Duct tape.
The perfect darkness of new and unwashed black t-shirts.
Steam rooms.
Finishing something – whether it’s a project, a long bike ride, or dinner at Applebee’s.
Oreo McFlurries.
Staying up until the sun rises on weekends.
Wearing a suit.
Jetskis.
Clean, white shoes.
Witnessing fender benders.
Art deco design.
National Skyline.
“America’s Funniest Home Videos” when Bob Saget was the host.
Playing on exercise equipment.
Rollercoasters with no line.
Bowling a strike.
Sinking multiple, consecutive balls in billiards.
Throwing a Frisbee far, and with good form.
Serendipitously being next to the only empty seat on a plane.
Waterslides.
Catching a whiff of pipe smoke. Sometimes, cigars too.
Deep, soft mattresses.
Trick candles on a birthday cake. (NEVER gets old!)
Forks with only three tines.
Crisp, unused dollar bills.
Words that begin with the letter ‘s.’
Weighted keys on electronic pianos.
THINGS I DISLIKE
A friend asked me what some of my pet peeves were. Aside from the actual phrase "pet peeve," several things came to mind. Here is a non-exhaustive list.
The phrase "creature comforts."
Dust.
Hipsters that don’t think they’re hipsters.
Salad dressing.
Things that require small fingers.
Wedding hashtags.
Valentine's Day.
Soccer moms.
Loose hems.
Stiff bedsheets.
Prague.
The letter 'e.'
Bad grammar.
Most poetry.
All poets.
Holes in socks.
Radio DJs.
The way late-night romance request DJs are always named 'Delilah.'
The way white people have sterilized formerly-cool names like 'Hunter.'
Americans on vacation in foreign countries.
Acid wash jeans.
Firework bans.
Fixed-gear bikes.
Peach fuzz.
Amateur rappers trying to sell their music on CDs.
"Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" (film, not book).
Girls' night out.
Bottle service.
Leg cramps when I'm swimming.
Wind.
Toothpaste left either in a sink basin or wiped on a towel.
Imperial units.
Old men in saunas.
Hyphens instead of periods in phone numbers.
Razorburn.
Cuticles.
Rhythm guitarists.
"Deck The Halls" by Mannheim Steamroller.
Oxymorons like 'scented deodorant.'
The way NOBODY eats at Red Lobster, but they're still everywhere.
Afterthought mid-size cities like Indianapolis and Chattanooga.
Fantasy sports leagues and the surrounding culture.
Broken umbrellas.
Dance clubs that require dress shoes.
People that leave phone numbers too fast, only once, and really late in a voicemail.
Braces.
Malls.
Nickels.
Being tall and trying to use airplane lavatories.
Paula Dean / Guy Fieri. (Tie)
Hallmark movies.
Overdone costume party themes (e.g. golf pros and tennis hoes).
Pleated pants.
Target employee uniforms (khaki and red are awful together).
Foreman grills.
Boston Red Sox.
Porsches and Jaguars.
Having to iron clothes.
Broken vacuums.
White dogs with really pink-looking faces.
Slobber.
Freezerburn.
Coffee culture.
Yoga culture.